Love You: What are you waiting for? The time is now.

When life feels like your ducks are not in a row and some of them are not even ducks, starting something that will improve your wellbeing can be hard. We can delay living and being the best version of ourselves. We just get by – but this can grind us down too. Last week we discussed recognising the need to self care – gosh now we need to do something about it!

“I cannot do this until this happens” or “there is no point in doing …… until this happens”- these are common thoughts we have.

Have you ever sat and made a list of the things you want but are never getting round to doing?

Have you ever looked at the list honestly asked why you are not making a start? These lists can range from the pursuit of a dream job, making time to go to the gym or cleaning the house to make the rest nest feel like a sanctuary space.

Example: Thursdays cleaning the house day! When I stopped working on a Thursday I could no longer afford a cleaner. I visualised that this is what I would do on a Thursday but the truth is I don’t. I wait until it’s really bad or someone is visiting to get my finger out.

Truth is I don’t like cleaning, so will make any excuse to not do it (maybe I should have named my blogs “Ain’t Cleaning Thursdays” instead). However, I do feel a great sense of wellbeing when the house is clean and tidy.

The weeks go by and the time passes, more ducks, geese and goodness knows what (living) gets in the way of your life plans and before you realise the moment of opportunity or inspiration passed.

Well-being is an active process it is not passive – on this point I am very clear. It is not just going to happen. I have also posted before that life is messy (and evidently so is my house). The ducks will never fully be in a row and if they are it will not be for long.

So look again at this list of things you want to do. Are these aspirations things you really want? Or is it because you feel you should? Whose version of your life are you living? Is your list to do with how you feel you will be seen (and how you wish not to be seen)? Or is your list something that will really bring you happiness.

Get comfortable with who you really are – and who you really are not.

If something is really important wouldn’t you have started it already? What is the cost of starting? Time, Money, Identity? Is it as important as you think? What would make it more important for you to start? How confident are you that you can do it? What do you need to make you more confident? Finally, how ready are you to begin? How will you feel in a year if you have not stated?

Often fear of failure can hold us back or a notion that the outcome must be one of perfection (must achieve an overnight blogging genius status otherwise what’s the point). If I was to strive for perfection – I would never clean the house again, I would never start. Who are your enablers to the current situation? Are they really the enablers? Or, are they just an external projection of your own uncertainty of the validity of your aspiration?Alternatively, are they a projection of the fear of beginning due to the size of the task you have built up in your mind?

I want but cannot have: I want a clean house but cannot have a cleaner. I want my free time to be doing fun pursuits and not be spent cleaning and to have more time to myself . I feel that I work hard and deserve the down time. What can you do?

If you cannot change the circumstances but still want the outcome – can you change the way you feel about it? I think so – reframing is part of powerful tool and something I will write about in another post (so can I reframe the way I feel about house work and cleaning?- spoiler alert – yes I can).

Starting with small steps can make ripples – and this is exciting. Knowing that life will continue to happen in all its messiness – should become the certainty in anything we undertake. Embrace the imperfection and challenges. Recognise that momentum will vary – but begin with the end in mind. Remember the “what if I fail/what if I fly mantra (and my personal favourite: who will really care?). Who are your team? Have you shared the vulnerability of why this is important to you?

My friend and coach described beginning something as “nibbling the crumbs” – which I feel is a lovely description for aspirations we take. It is beginning something but recognising that we just need take little steps. It’s the couch to 5km approach – but applying it to life. I heard a lovely analogy recently and breaking down aspirations to being like driving in the dark – although “we can only see as far as the headlights allow, we still arrive at the destination”. If you take on something and realise it was not for you and you need another way or another idea altogether – then this is something you have learned too.

Love You: It takes courage to start and courage to let something go – live your life, your way, today.