The last two weeks we have looked at goals and the narrative assigned to them. The Love You philosophy embraces the ebb and flow of life and encourages balance between the 6 pillars to be your best self.
I was writing to encourage not getting to a place of needing to start over. But what if that is exactly you? You read and embrace what is written and the idea of the Love You philosophy but are in a place where you don’t know where to begin.
Are you the yo-yo dieter or feel like when life gets in the way (like my blog last week) – you will struggle? Or sustain change for a wee while and then back to previous habits and behaviours? These are common hurdles and you are not alone. So Love You: You are not broken and you are human.
Love You Health and Wellbeing with Lorraine – is here to help with meaningful change and more sustained results. We have one life and we need to live our best versions of ourselves.
So what would I recommend in getting started?
Recognising that you have a particular area that needs attention is so positive. Acknowledging this is step one.
How important is this area to you? Ask yourself what it is you want? Is this goal short term or long term? I am keen on both short and long term goals. Drill into why these hold importance for you? A bit like a patronus from Harry Potter – these goals, especially the long term ones are our shield. They need to be of good quality but strong enough to withstand the challenges that life throws at us. Are you doing it for you or someone else? You can only do this for yourself – it’s self care. Deeply personal.
How confident are you to make change in this area? What kind of help and support do you need? This needs careful attention because change ideally would be self sustaining and maintaining. There is a vulnerability here isn’t there? This step involves externalising the internal need for change – especially if you are not confident in getting started. This is also where there can be lots of conflicting advice on what to do and what advice is right for you? For example, What nutritional regime is right for you? Or, do you need nicotine replacement but not sure what type? Depending on what area of change you are looking at – each might have their own confidence questions that need answered. However, you might be confident to make the change once you get started.
Readiness to get started. I can’t do it until ….. happens. Fill in the blank for yourselves – we have all done this. We build short term goals but the ebb and flow of life causes procrastination to ever starting. This is the pitfall of the all or nothing approach. Waiting for everything to be just right – well you will be waiting a long time. Most of us have a fair idea where we are derailing. Alcohol is one thing that you should never stop suddenly if you drink a lot and experience withdrawals. However most other things (including alcohol if not daily drinking or experiencing withdrawals) can be what I am going to call “nudge started” – the little change. The Atomic Habits book by James Clear is super. There is something really positive in just starting- even when that start is not visible to others – it’s a shift in mindset and this is key. You don’t need to triumph you just need “umph”!
Identity: So many of our behaviours are caught up with our identity. We must acknowledge that adopting new behaviours and habits, whilst letting go of others will impact on our identity. It will be how others see us and how we see ourselves. When I gave up alcohol this was huge for me. I do feel though, that for well-being and lifestyle change to become a continuous thread in your life – you need to let it in. Let self care be part of your identity. This is a gift you can give yourself and is an attitudinal shift that can have huge impact. You need to feel that you are worthy of this – which you are.
Celebrate positive attributes and learn from your good habits and behaviours. Look at the 6 pillars and within each pillar and get a sense of all the things you are already doing well. This suddenly makes wellbeing less of a hill to climb.
Accountability: but to whom? Ideally this should be lovingly to yourself. Pay attention to your “I can’t” narratives. If you say you can’t then you won’t until you change your mind. I can’t give up my morning lattes! This was my narrative. My morning ritual was very dear to me. I loved my morning latte. I never thought I could give this up. But, stabilising blood sugar was more important than the latte ritual. Changing to black coffee took about 1 week to adapt. Guess what? It’s my new morning ritual. Saying I can’t was my barrier! Finally with accountability- what are your daily accountable habits to keep you on track? Is it your smart watch, food tracker or weight? Or does that feel too much? Who are your support crew and can you recognise support vs enabling?
Actually getting started: You will automatically create an image of what you think it will be like. However, maybe you need to sit with the reality versus the aspiration. There will be days it will be hard, boring or non existent (this is the ebb and flow). Expect life to happen with all its joys and lows. Perfection is not going to happen! You will fail; derail; pause or re-prioritise a different pillar but with the love you philosophy- you will not quit! Yesterday I was sedentary for five hours – and my short term goal is improved cardiovascular fitness. Did I fail? No I did not. I adapted and was kind and I went to the gym. I said I was going to plod – but ended up doing 5km in 30 minutes. I succeeded because I was kind. Today I walked in the rain with my beloved friend.
Starting over can feel huge. However the key ingredients to success are the Love You Philosophy of ebb and flow of life. Letting self care into your identity. Creating your personal goals. Sitting with the deeply personal answers to importance, confidence, readiness and identity questions. Celebrating Success across the pillars and building habits into your day, week and life.
Love You: Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life 🥰
Love you: Health and Well-being with Lorraine 