“You’ve changed” was the comment I recall being made to me, unsolicited, when I returned home one summer from medical school. This was not said as a complement. I remember thinking, thank goodness (although those closest to me would probably realise I would naturally use a more sweary word than goodness – which might have given the sayer more comfort … ah, there you are).
With the simple passage of time we change and our identities with it. How can we not? I am still a daugher but also a mother. I am a wife. A doctor, an educator and a yoga teacher. These all entered into my life and identities at different times and some of the identites will go or stop.
With the passage of time the things that give us joy evolve too and aspects of our character that we used to hold onto – we let go of.
In my pre-kids, post graduation phase I loved travelling, partying and eating out. I could stay up all night and I revelled in it. I remember it being my “Carrie Bradshaw” phase. Glamorous lunches with the girls with cocktails and heels. I loved it and have fond memories.
Despite being in my 50s, I still feel pretty good but definitely am less Carrie Bradshaw and more Bilbo Baggins- right down to hairy toes! For where my heart truly lies now is in peace and quiet and home….and “comfies” – flat shoes preferably berkinstocks. I still like to travel but can easily also be content with a staycation. The mini series of my life would be less Sex and the City and more Sleep and the Shire!
What is right for me in this phase of my life may not be right for you. What is right for you, equally might not be right for me.
Yet!
When we are living such fast paced, high stress lives, our recreation time is precious. What and how we choose to spend that time is highly personal. One of my dear friends talks about “driving in your own lane” and to do this, we need to give ourselves permission and have courage to naturally evolve.
It might require us to let go of places and connections that are no longer in balance with our place now right.
It might mean getting comfortable with our habits and behaviours. For example, I recognise that I like a slow, low stimulation, low sensory start in the morning. I need to wake and be with my coffee and cat and quiet for about 20 minutes in the morning. This is why I quickly gave up doing a very early morning yoga class on a Saturday. I did not want to compromise that quiet, hobbit, home time. I now do home yoga practice slightly later on a Saturday morning and the whole thing is much more joy giving.
I used to love getting dressed up and going out for a meal. But now I much more prefer having early nights and early rising.
To others this would be boring! But to me it brings joy.
I realise that in my recreation time, my senses need to settle and rebalance after a hectic week.
I need quiet time and to be able to withdraw to restore.
I need to spend time in nature.
I like connect with friends in a much quieter way and prefer 1:1.
This is how I can rebalance my books and what gives me joy.
Don’t get me wrong – I want to go on adventures with the girls and Hubby but my sense of this has evolved too. Gandalf gives Bilbo a nudge out the door – and sometimes we need this nudge but equally ….
Sometimes we can get caught up on the instacompare and dispare of others lives and choices and think – why am I not doing this or that? This mindset is one that makes us feel like we are lacking- instead of being grateful for the positive choices and opportunities we create for ourselves. Equally we should celebrate our friends and families lives, opportunities and choices without feeling they devalue our own. Driving in our own lane asks us to do just that! Live your version of your life right now and not someone elses and know that this too will continue to evolve.
This might be a better balance of your books and bringer of joy!
Love You: Find Joy and embrace changing hobbits … I mean habits🥰🙏🏼
Love you: Health and Well-being with Lorraine 